Rainy Days

There is absolutely nothing more disgusting than trying to get to work in New York City in the rain. I'm not sure who they're pissed at, but this "wrath of the gods" weather the world has had of late is really disturbing, I mean at the rate we're going, Oprah may have to call off her nation-wide pedophile hunt and start writing personal checks. (Don't you just love how celebrities are always "donating" huge sums, but only through their production companies or the free stuff they get from corporations...but I digress.) So while the rain is bothersome in itself, it's made ever-so-much more annoying by the use, or misuse rather, of the umbrella. Now look folks, none of us want to get wet but seriously, we cannot all fit on the sidewalk at the same time with 3-feet of vinyl and steel ballooning around us. Disregarding the outliers, most of us are about the same height, hence we hold umbrellas at about the same level, so how do you suppose we cross paths in a restricted space without gauging each other's eyes out? Perhaps you could raise yours or I could lower mine or we could just plow right into each other, rip our umbrellas and curse the other for ruining our suede bag all the soggy way to work? And why is it men feel like they get to carry these huge golf umbrellas? I don't see any putting greens on Third Avenue, so you can use a $5 piece of crap like the rest of us and stop taking up an unfair amount of umbrella real estate.

I'm sure that when my socks finally dry out I won't feel so belligerent toward that bitch who shook her umbrella dry on my feet, but until then I remain emphatic that people with no home training should stay in their apartment, and that no one in this city should be allowed to operate an umbrella without a license.