The Guilt/Gift Strategy

What is it about dirty socks, can anyone tell me? Why is it that dirty socks cannot manage to get themselves into the hamper and must instead lay in the middle of the floor waiting to be picked up by the dog and carried about the house? Dirty socks, clothes hangers, shoes, and empty cups just cannot seem to stay where they belong. Does this happen in your house too? To be sure, I don't have the only unruly household objects.

I suspect the misplacement of unwanted things has something to do with my husband, or perhaps more appropriately, nothing to do with my husband. It's quite incomprehensible to me how he can walk right over a dirty sock and the thought of picking it up will not even cross his mind. It's as if his selective hearing has spread to his other senses. I had assumed this was a common Y-chromosome phenomenon, but every time I try to talk to my girlfriends about it, one of em will start carrying on about how their Y-chromosome is so tidy and makes the bed and cleans the bathroom. I said, marry him honey- it'll change. Y's are always on good behavior during the wooing process, but once the rings go on, the gloves come off!

Now I know y'all are thinking, but Queenie, haven't you got him trained yet? Girl, what have you been doin? But not to worry darlins, I have it well in hand. You see, I have found that having Sweetpotato do the housework unsupervised never ends well. He has many, many talents, but dish washing ain't one of em, so I'd prefer to just do it myself and employ my guilt/gift strategy. Guilt/Gift Strategy? Yes darlins, it's incredibly effective, just ask your mother.

Take for example last week when I returned from a very long work trip to Las Vegas, only to find a sink full of dirty dishes. Did I kick and scream? No. Did I whine and pout? No. What did I do? Well first I acted as if nothing were out of the ordinary and I was just so happy to be home (which I was of course). Then I bided my time. A little later I showed Sweetpotato a picture of a ring I really want, at which point he snorted "yeah right" and went back to working on his computer. So then I carried myself into the kitchen and began scrubbing dishes. About half an hour later, when SP realized he hadn't heard anything from me in a while, he calls out to find what I'm doing, to which I reply "trying to get the ketchup off your plate from last week," in a slightly-harassed-but-I-still-love-you voice. He then shamefacedly appears in the kitchen to find me sweating, hair hanging pitifully around my face, and scrubbing with all my might. (remember, a little dramatic effect never hurt anyone). It is at this point that I ask, "so how's that ring lookin' now," to which he astutely replies, "pretty good."

You see ladies, it's all part of my guilt/gift strategy. I'll put in the time but in the end, you will pay. The Y's time is best spent forming a close, personal relationship with the owner of your local jewelry store. It's not necessary that the Y learn to do all the household functions to perfection, it is only necessary that he learn your ring size.