Britney and Kevin

And now on to couples who have not split up...yet. What happens to child stars who achieve ridiculous levels of fame before their 18th birthday and are given excessive freedom for adult-like behavior? Well, they lose their minds of course! Now here we had the hottest little blond pop star, who despite that fact that she lacked a certain vocal ability, was able to dominate the Red Carpet by virtue of her body and her rhythm. I mean the girl could dance, and at one point she seemed Madonna-esque in her sexy, slithering rise to power. But then, she crashed. After one 36-hour marriage, she shacks up with a corn-rowed father of two known best for his work as "second guy from the left" in her string of back-up dancers.

Now I'm not putting down back-up dancers here, I mean lots of celebrities marry working-class folks. I'm sure he took her places she'd never been, like a 7-Eleven, and I know he helped her find her inner trash. Ya'll know I spent my early years in a trailer park, so I know a thing or two about trash, but let me assure you that I have never walked into a public restroom in my bare feet. What the hell is Brit's problem? I mean she has money, and fame, and a product line, yet she chooses to walk about as if she's going to collect her welfare check. I'm not sayin' you have to dress up to go the grocery store, but can't you at least put you face on? You know, Jessica Simpson may be a complete moron, but my girl knows how to wear a pair of sweat pants. And I will not bash a woman for putting on a few pounds right after she's had a baby, but she was chunkin' up before she got pregnant and well, she needs to get herself together soon if she ever intents to writhe about with a snake again. Seriously, girl, you have not been seen in public once in the past year in anything other than ripped jean shorts and faded tank-tops, get a stylist or stay your ass at home!


The two of them are just a disaster, and if you ask me, they're on an express train to divorce. I mean, how many times has she taken his Ferrari away for staying out late? Not that he can afford to leave her until his singing career takes off (snort!), so he'd better start acting right. Can you just imagine how messed up this poor child is going to be? Trashy people with lots of money aren't the best folks to instill values in their children. Alas, there's no accounting for taste, so I suppose these two will continue to grace tabloid covers until their relationship ends in a fiery blaze...anybody got a match?