Happy 5th!

Well Happy July 5th everyone...that horrible day when we must return to work after a random day off spent celebrating the American way - consuming as many hot dogs and Bud Lights as possible in an 8 hour period and then attempting to light firecrackers while intoxicated. Now I don't know about you, but my absolute favorite things about Independence Day are all the fireworks displays around the country, which, thanks to modern technology, can be viewed from the comfort of my couch, without the bother of pests (insect or Redneck).

Now I know some of y'all were probably out watching them live, but if you missed the Macy's Fireworks on NBC, that is really a shame. You know Macy's, they'll throw their name on just about anything that will stand still, but I do appreciate them footin the bill for Americans everywhere. The fireworks were nice and all, but the real display of glittering wonder was Liza Minelli. You know they done got that girl outta her penthouse to sing "New York, New York" for the 5 millionth time on record, and she forgot to take her meds. I thought she was gonna fall right off the stage, gyrating all around in heels. I mean, she's no spring chicken, don't let her eye job fool you. A couple things you should note when getting ready for a nationally televised event: 1)TV gets the audience closer than the theater, so stage make up is not necessary. Put down your blush brush down and step away from the cosmetics. 2) As TV gets the audience closer than the theater, we can tell when you're lip-synching so please move your mouth in consistent time to the recording and try to hold the microphone somewhere near your face at all times. And with all the money she must have, do you think she could own one top that isn't black, sparkly, and off one shoulder? At least now she's taken to decorating her bra straps so we know her shirt is falling off on purpose!

But you know, I guess Liza really is the best person to entertain on our nation's birthday. I mean she is the embodiment of every great American celebrity family, a long line of folks that are drunk, divorced, crazy and still cashing in!