White Woes

Now I know we have discussed the rules governing the wearing of white bottoms, mainly that they be worn only between Memorial and Labor Days so as not to upset the natural order established by our Confederate ancestors. However, I have apparently failed to mention that this rule applies only to appropriately opaque white clothing not a thin white skirt stretched so tight across your ass that I can see your FULL-BUTTED PINK STRIPED PANTIES!!

This is why there is flesh-colored underwear. This is why there are THONGS! (And don't give me any of this "they feel like you've got a wedgie," you do have a wedgie, that's the point!) And most importantly, this is why there are clothes made in sizes larger than an 8, so that when your fat ass is a 12-14, you don't have to squeeze it into the skirt you wore to the junior high dance and threaten to take someone's eye out when the button finally pops off like a champagne cork.

One would think that in this day and age in Manhattan, where you can walk down any street and find a number of reflective surfaces in which to observe your appearance, that you wouldn't need to be reminded of the basic rules of decency. Alas, folks can be so trashy. Sadly this season's color of choice has once again left a wake of destruction in its path.

We are in the white-appropriate window, but please, wear responsibly.