Football Fan?

By now I'm sure y'all know my feelings on sporting events and the insanity of sports fanatics, so it might surprise you to learn that yesterday I attended a real, live NFL game and hell didn't even freeze over!!

Now don't be alarmed that your ol pal Queenie has gone and gotten herself into football, cause you know I was last pick for the ticket. And here I thought being the bottom of the barrel for 7th grade dodgeball was bad, my own husband called every damn man he knew, and when none of them could go he figured a warm body was better than a wasted ticket. Alas, I was not even offended.

I did however, discover the most fabulous occurrence in the parking lot of the stadium...the tailgate! I have heard telling of these kinds of eating frenzies, but since they've always occurred just prior to games I certainly wouldn't be attending, I've never really had the pleasure of participating. I mean to tell you, right out there on the asphalt, folks are grilling hot dogs, hamburgers, steak, pork tenderloin, you name it. The stuff is just delicious and the beverages are flowing like a fountain, but you can tell it's run by Y-chromosomes. All they've got is meat and beer. You can't find a side dish for love nor money. You know if women were in charge there'd be chips, baked beans, brownies even, but not with the Y's in charge. Hell, you couldn't find a bite of potato salad to save your life.

I tell you what though, sporting events are really quite nice in a few respects. First of all, they are the only places where the women's restrooms have no lines and secondly, you always look good compared to your compatriots. I mean to tell you, sports fans are rough-lookin, and they're all so damn drunk and disorderly they can't hardly make it into the stadium without fallin all over themselves. Sweetpotato is of course the exception to this rule, because you know my Potato don't act like a fool in public (an occasional holiday party not withstanding;-)

Win or Lose, the tailgate is reason enough to truck it out to the arena, cause by the time you get into the game, hell you're just about ready to cheer for anybody...spoken like the true non-fan I am, I'll probably never get invited again. At least until the next time all the boys are busy!