Regrets and Resolutions

Well I hope everyone had a lovely holiday. Mine was just fabulous thank you and I have been sittin around on my ever-expanding ass ever since. You know, a couple days of eating butter-laden foods and drinking alcohol-infused beverages is just fine, but I'm going on a solid week of stuffing my face without so much as a glance at the treadmill and I have to be honest with y'all...I think it may be time to get to steppin.

Now y'all know I don't advocate strict dieting or strenuous exercise, but good Lord my waistline's disappearing faster than Britney Spears' shot at a comeback. Of course, the week between Christmas and New Years is the foundation for 90% of the new gym memberships purchased on January 1. I suppose I should enjoy this last stint of gluttony before 2007 guilts me into shape. You see, the problem with January is that there's not a damn thing to do but bundle up and regret everything you ate last year.

Not that I make New Year's resolutions, but if I were gonna, they'd be:

1) Find job that pays more money than it costs to live every month

2) Use excess money to make any sort of dent in credit card debt

3) Write witty, insightful reference guide to Life, Love and the Pursuit of Carbohydrates

4) Convince someone to publish said book

and the ever popular...
5) Attempt to remain in the same size pants as the year before.

Everyone always wants to lose weight, but let's face it folks, weight loss in adulthood is more difficult than teaching a Y-chromosome how to operate a vacuum cleaner. The goal at some point is simply to stop expanding, unless of course your pants are of the elastic waistband persuasion, in which case you gotta develop a whole new plan. Shrinking is nice in theory, but in practice, deprivation is sooo less-than-pleasant.

So for 2007, y'all go on an make whatever resolutions you need to for your own life, but remember to be realistic and that getting all the buttons fastened counts as an accomplishment;-)