A Word to the Wise

Okay, enough of that warm and fuzzy crap, let's get back to reality. I just said this to my assistant and I think I'm going to needlepoint it on a throw pillow because it just explains so much...mostly me.

I hung up the phone after yet another idiotic conversation with folks who supposedly work for my company but best I can tell play solitaire and collect paychecks, and I said,
"I really try to be reasonably pleasant...but I just can't."

I mean seriously, I can be just chipper as a chipmunk all morning and then I step in the door here and barbs start to fly. It's not my fault that the world is overrun with morons and 98% of them interact with me on a daily basis. It is also not my fault that none of your neurons fire frequently, it's your momma's fault you're stupid so don't come cryin' to me. I can hardly be bothered to do my own job, why the hell would you think I'd want to do yours just because you can't string together two coherent sentences?

I mean to tell you, I don't know how these folks make it through the grocery store, let alone the corporate world! And my very favorite of all the assholes are the ones who have the nerve to speak to me like I'm the one who doesn't know what's going on. If you will just do what I tell you and shut the hell up, things will go a lot smoother for both of us.

If, however, you decide to take your life into your hands and challenge me to a battle of wits, just know that you will be barely recognizable when you return- if you return. Honey, if you ain't got no ammunition, you'd best not throw the gauntlet. Nothing makes me feel better than knocking the sass right outta your ass, and seeing as how I am not one of those folks who needs everyone to like them, I have no problem slashing you with my razor-sharp tongue. Upper management frowns upon such behaviors, but they mostly try to stay outta my way at this point.

All that to say, if you are thinking of annoying me today, it is in your best interest to pick another day as I am currently full up with new assholes to rip.

Thank you and have a nice day.