Travel Tips

There was a time a few decades ago when travel was a stylish event. Men wore suits, women wore heels and hose and hats with hairpins. Now I realize that the era of the Pan Am flight attendant has passed and I know hairpins would never make it through security; nor am I advocating the reinstation of the girdle for everyday wear. But as I walk through the terminal of my local airport, I cannot understand why people would do anything more than collect the newspaper from their driveway in such a state of dress.

I understand the desire for comfort on a lengthy flight, but overalls and athletic pants that could fit an NFL linebacker are simply not acceptable options. The fact that you own such items is troubling enough, nevermind that you’re wearing them in public.  And yes friends, the airport is “public.” Often I have heard the excuse, “I’m just going to the airport, who am I going to see?” Considering 100,000 people pass through this airport everyday, I’d say chances are pretty good that you might encounter a few folks.

And what about the poor person at the other end of your trip, anxiously awaiting your arrival, making preparations on your behalf, standing on tip toe to catch the first glimpse of you at baggage claim. And then you present yourself as an ungroomed mess who rolled out of bed and threw their hair into a matted ponytail? For a 2pm flight no less. Well you could hardly expect them to volunteer to carry your luggage to the car.

Not to mention, seeing someone you know might be an act of random chance. Just recently I ran into a old friend from high school in an airport where neither of us were supposed to be. Thankfully I had prepared appropriately and didn’t have to hide behind the rack of neck pillows, lest they see me without my face on.

Speaking of, ladies, it is quite unacceptable to venture out in polite society without some attention to your face. I’m not saying your full-face, you don’t have to be red carpet ready, but your parent-teacher conference face at the very least. You know those gate agents could rival the guards at Buckingham Palace for their stoicism, but don't mistake their frozen facades for impartiality. I refuse to believe it doesn’t help to present yourself as a pretty and pleasant person, because if there’s an upgrade available I certainly won't be losing out to running shoes and an oversized tee from the 2008 Backwoods Chili Cook-Off.

And what will you do when your flight is delayed or canceled? You, who couldn’t be bothered with a little concealer and a tube of lip gloss, will wait in line with the other unfortunates and be re-routed via Detroit with a 5 hour lay-over. I, on the other hand, will sashay down the terminal to a male agent, bat my mascara-clad lashes and be on my way in a jiffy. I realize this sounds incredibly sexist, but I’m certain a well-heeled man with a subtle cologne could find a female agent to charm just as easily. And though it’s a slap in the face to 100 years of women’s lib, I must fall back to-- men still make more money and women still get fewer speeding tickets, it’s just the truth.

Look, I may not be able to break the glass ceiling, but I sure can use its reflective properties to apply my lipstick.