Fashion Resolutions

Happy New Year friends! We're another year older, but judging from the mess I see out on the streets, we're not a heck of a lot wiser. I just don't understand how year and after year, folks can keep committing the same fashion crimes. Have you not picked up a magazine since the Reagan administration?


So let's make a few New Year's Resolutions, shall we? Not those ridiculous "I resolve to go on a diet that ends mid-January and somehow results in the gaining of 5 pounds," resolutions, but resolutions that will actually result in the betterment of society.


Let us resolve to only wear clothes that flatter our figures. This means NOT wearing pants that fall too far below the waist, resulting in the overspill of your muffin top, nor pants that fall too far above the waist, resulting in the ballooning out of your muffin top within the fabric.

Let us resolve to only wear shirts that fall past the waistband of our pants so that there is no flap of skin showing for all the world. I don't care if you do look like Kelly Kapowski (before she got the got the boob job and chunked up for 90210), this is not Saved By the Bell, this is real life, and here in real life, we keep our midriffs covered (mostly because in real life we also don't often look like Kelly Kapowski and more like the muffin from Resolution 1)


Let us resolve to BUY CLOTHES THAT FIT!! If this year, you find that your size 10's no longer button with ease, then carry your happy ass to the store and buy you some 12's! It's alright, it happens. The crime is not in the gaining of the weight so much as in the pretending that you didn't. Even if you intend to lose the weight, and on the off-chance you are among the 5% of the population who might actually do so, you cannot go around in the meantime with your pants pleating horizontally across your thighs as the seams hold on for dear life. You'll feel so much better not having to live with the fear of ripping fabric when you sit down...not to mention the money you'll save on yeast infection cures.


Let us resolve to only wear shoes we can walk in! I don't care how amazing you look standing stalk still, if forward motion makes you look like Bambi On Ice, then get a grip and give up the heels! You can go from Hot to Hot Mess with the turn of an ankle honey, so until you can work a red carpet like Victoria Beckham, learn to look fabulous in flats!

And finally, let us resolve to Be Fabulous Every Day! I'm not sayin' you gotta dress to the nines for a quick trip to Target, but let's give it a little effort shall we? There ain't nothing sayin you can't be fabulous in a track suit (assuming you've followed all the aforementioned rules in the selection of said suit). I just can't stand these women I meet who profess to have all these clothes, shoes, handbags, and jewelry but "just don't have anywhere to wear them." Give me a break honey. Boots were made for walking and if the only place you walk is around the grocery store then wear your boots to the grocery store. Wear your diamonds to the soccer game for god's sake, but wear your damn diamonds! You have 2 choices in life- wait around for someone to take you some place fabulous, or bring the fabulous with you to some place! It's completely fine to be the best dressed person in Denny's, but it is completely unacceptable to be the worst (I mean, it's Denny's, the bar ain't set too high). And for goodness sake, put your face on before you leave the house, or at least draw your eyebrows on. You don't have to wear full-on warpaint but you absolutely cannot be fabulous without eyebrows.

If we all work together, we make a difference in 2009!
xoxox,
Q