Bathing Beauty

Now you know I couldn't let a picture like this go by without commentary. Here we have our favorite trailer trash out for a stroll on the beach. I guess I shouldn't call her trailer trash though, because it gives mobile home owners a bad name. Remember that I know of what I speak, seeing as my formative years were spent in one. However, no one in my family ever went out in public looking like this!

Again, I am not bashing her for gaining a little weight, hell it happens to the best of us, and her child isn't even a year old. In fact, you can disregard the picture on the left altogether, that's not even her. Everyone knows they super-imposed her head on my body (we've been embroiled in legal battles for the past three years).

I'm not saying thick folks can't go to the beach, or that they should wear bathing suits, though I do think that making bikinis in a size 16 is negligent on the part of the manufacturer, but whatever. What I am sayin', is that she has no business in that type of top. I mean Brit, honey, you're just fallin out all over the place. Hell your boobs are so damn big even the spandex can't control them and the whole slenderizing black thing just isn't working.

We know you put on a few, we know you just had a baby, it's okay...really! But is it necessary to just put it all out there for us? What about a nice full-coverage tankini; there's no shame in keeping your breasts inside your clothing. Your days of snake-charming and midriff baring are gone and if you have any hope of getting them back you best call Madonna right away and get on her pre-hernia yoga plan. You know you have propensity toward heiferdom, so either get it together or get over it, but for the love of God - GET OFF THE BEACH!!!