Star...why hast thou forsaken me?

I have been so turned around and scattered this week, that I was only just this morning able to pick up the Star Magazine at my local newstand. Can you believe that? I nearly missed...nothing! Abso-freaking-lutely NOTHING!!! I find it hard to believe that with all the spouse-swapping, coke-snorting and wardrobe-malfunctioning that goes on in Hollywood, all Star magazine had to talk about this week was a bunch of pregnant celebrities. Seriously, I don't not need to know that Angelina at 6 months pregnant has gained twenty pounds and still weighs less than I do right now. No really, I'm fine with without that knowledge (oooh, except that Katie Holmes is one of those barge-type pregos, which is fun for me)

And the biggest disappointment of the week... Knifestyles of the Rich and Famous. Come on now, you mean to tell me with all the reshaping that goes on amongst the starlets, the best you could do was Nicolette Sheridan's lips? What about Bruce Jenner's nose for christ's sake?! There have got to be a pair of implants that have yet to be exposed, don't ya think? You can't possibly compare some shiny plumping lipgloss to a brow lift.

I mean to tell you, this is one of the most disappointing Stars in a while. The well must be runnin' dry out there in a big way. Now to be fair, there were some nice "before and after" shots, and there's nothing like a good picture of a fat celebrity slimming down...unless it's a thin one chubbing up. Now that just makes me grin from ear to ear.

Well friends, I'm sorry but even Queenan can't get blood from a turnip, so the celebrity slams will have to wait until next week. Not to worry though, the Oscars are in 9 days and counting!