Poor Thing!

"Girls called me Skinny Minny and skeleton. Kids can be so cruel" - Eva Longoria, Star Magazine 3.20.06

Aww, bless her little heart, she was picked on as a child for being skinny. And just look how scarred she is now, with her perfect hair and perfect skin, wearing her perfect designer gown to the perfect Oscar parties.

Seriously, if you are a celebrity dating half the West Coast and being paid to prance around in front of God and everyone in a halter top and skin-tight jeans, then please do NOT bother us with your tales of childhood woe. We don't care, truly.

Understand that we cannot feel sorry for you. You were a skinny kid who grew up to be a skinny adult, who at the age of thirty can still be scene in public in a bikini, which is more than most of America can say. You self-admittedly eat basically whatever you want and hardly exercise.

We hate you. Now shut up before you get stabbed in the eye!