Bedtime
Anyone who has read my blogs for a while know the love/hate relationship I share with my dog. Winnie came into my world as a small, precious puppy, a perfect little snuggle bunny with sad eyes and floppy ears. Well now she's still got floppy ears but that's about it. Her eyes laugh at me as she hops onto Sweetpotato's lap, winning his affection before she saunters into the kitchen and pees simply because she can.
I have been waging a campaign against this moronic mongrel for over a year now to get her to behave like a damn DOG. But every night I find her head on the pillow beside my own, snoring louder than any human and immovable as a ton of bricks.
But this week I finally win a battle in my war of the kingdoms, Sweetpotato and I are now the proud owns of a Queenan-sized bed!! I know, can you imagine, 2 full-sized people and 1 fat-assed dog in a full-sized bed for over a year now! It's amazing we're all still alive, especially as my thought of pupicide increase every morning I wake falling of the bed as Winnie stretches sideways across the bed. When I bought this bed I made sure the box spring was extra tall and with the pillow-top the bed sits pretty high. So we set up the bed, and as soon as Winnie heard us trying to straighten the sheets, she runs at break-neck speed into the bedroom, careening off walls for leverage, and she leaps up to the bed and .... Denied!
So there I am dancing around the room as Winnie repeatedly attempts to mount the bed and each time bounces off the extra tall box spring and crashes to the floor. I know, I know, I'm not supposed to laugh but seriously, if you'd been bumped for a 4-legged fatty for over a year, you'd be a little amused too.
My new bed is so comfy and I was just settling in to the most stretched out sleep of my life, with Winnie peering over the edge of the bed, trying to stretch herself onto my pillowtop, and then out of no where....I don't know how she did it, but with a thump I felt a large furry mass hurl itself onto my bed. And there she was, standing on my hair, smug look on her face and eye taunting me as if to say "the Bitch is Back."
I have been waging a campaign against this moronic mongrel for over a year now to get her to behave like a damn DOG. But every night I find her head on the pillow beside my own, snoring louder than any human and immovable as a ton of bricks.
But this week I finally win a battle in my war of the kingdoms, Sweetpotato and I are now the proud owns of a Queenan-sized bed!! I know, can you imagine, 2 full-sized people and 1 fat-assed dog in a full-sized bed for over a year now! It's amazing we're all still alive, especially as my thought of pupicide increase every morning I wake falling of the bed as Winnie stretches sideways across the bed. When I bought this bed I made sure the box spring was extra tall and with the pillow-top the bed sits pretty high. So we set up the bed, and as soon as Winnie heard us trying to straighten the sheets, she runs at break-neck speed into the bedroom, careening off walls for leverage, and she leaps up to the bed and .... Denied!
So there I am dancing around the room as Winnie repeatedly attempts to mount the bed and each time bounces off the extra tall box spring and crashes to the floor. I know, I know, I'm not supposed to laugh but seriously, if you'd been bumped for a 4-legged fatty for over a year, you'd be a little amused too.
My new bed is so comfy and I was just settling in to the most stretched out sleep of my life, with Winnie peering over the edge of the bed, trying to stretch herself onto my pillowtop, and then out of no where....I don't know how she did it, but with a thump I felt a large furry mass hurl itself onto my bed. And there she was, standing on my hair, smug look on her face and eye taunting me as if to say "the Bitch is Back."
posted by Queenan at 5:48 AM
3 Comments:
Ok. You're funny. You are disabused of your dog's magical powers. I am impressed and give you full permission to read my blog. Particularly the sections titled MEET HUMPER THE WONDER DOG.
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