D.C.= Dull City

Here I am, here I am! Did y'all miss me? Well I had a busy, yet lovely weekend down in our nation's capitol. It's basically a nice enough town, except for those damned traffic circles! I mean, how the hell are you supposed to get off of em? There appear to be two lanes and yet they suddenly branch off, leaving you sitting in the middle of moving traffic searching frantically for some sense of order. And just when you survive the roundabout and get yourself back on a straight path, what do you find but another circle! They've got one every 500 feet or something, it's totally ridiculous and not at all conducive to normal traffic flow.

Say what you will about Manhattan, it's a grid, plain and simple. We manage to keep our points of interest lined up in square blocks, so if you find yourself turning in circles it's your own damn fault, not that of the city planners.

And speaking of points of interest, I really should sight see from outside a car window at some time. I assume there are some historical points of interest that should be observed by all Americans, but I haven't yet managed to take in any monuments up close. Odd, that my employers wouldn't want me to tour the White House on their dime...of course, they are British, so maybe not that odd.

The fashion down there is most unfortunate though. It's as if all the little politicians are afraid to wear color, lest their right to tax payer dollars get revoked. Everyone in the mall looked like they stepped out of a Talbot's ad. Now I have never understood the sweater tied around the shoulders look, but have accepted that it works for tennis playing country club members in Cape Cod. However, to see a woman shopping at 10 am on a Saturday morning in a pressed oxford shirt, pearls, pumps, and a sweater (black of course) hanging round her neck, not a racket in sight, well that's just a bit too much. I swear their closets must be the easiest thing in the world to navigate- black on the left, white on the right, and for an accent color, in the middle hang shades of grey. Every ear sports a 1-carat stud, every ring finger a 2-carat Asher. The parking lot is full of Lexus and Mercedes emblems, and I was just about ready to v-o-m-i-t. I knew you had to sell your soul to become a politician, but I didn't know you had to sell your style too. Obviously, I wore the brightest colored, least conservative clothes I could find, that wouldn't get me kicked outta the building. Lord but those folks needta learn about cocktails and carbohydrates; they must be suffocating down there under a cloud of Chanel no.5.

I realize we need a place to head our government, and I know lots of folks would consider it an honor to work there, but I'm just happy to have made it home with my individuality intact. Y'all can keep your traffic circles and your desperately dull fashion. Up here, we like our streets straight and our people twisted!