The Short

Y'all saw American Idol a couple nights ago, with this little chippy flouncin around on the stage with about 6 inches of clothing on? I will set aside commentary on the appropriateness of this outfit for a more important discussion...when was the last time I wore a short?

At this point, it's hard to say. There was a time friends, when my legs looked that good. Now, I was 14 and had the gym teacher from hell, but short-shorts I could wear. In fact, I wore shorts right on through college, until at some point that little bit of fabric rubbing between my thighs began to chafe, and the skin above my knees starting looking lumpy.

You know I used to wear quite a few backless tops myself, back when my back was tanned and tones, not the pale flub that it is today. It seems my world has gone from tanks and shorts to sleeves and pants in the blink of an eye. They say youth is wasted on the young, which I assume is supposed to be some commentary on ambition and vitality, but whatever. Great thighs are wasted on the young!!! My god, if I had the body I had at 18 right now, I'd be hell on wheels. Back then I didn't have time to get myself into trouble, I had a freakin curfew! I remember exercising like a fiend to get down to 118lbs (from 123) for no particular reason. I tell you, I haven't seen a number on that scale in the 120's in years. If I weighed 123lbs. right this minute I'd be arrest for public indecency...I'd walk down Fifth Ave naked as a jaybird, just because I could.

Alas, the short is no longer part of my wardrobe and has been replaced by the"short of grown folks"- the capri pant. Not really any cooler than jeans on a hot day, but exposing your shins to the air is apparently supposed to trick you into believing they are. For those unfortunate folks with cankles, I suggest the longer leg, lest you look like a sausage in clothing.

It's like I always say: if you got it, flaunt it, and if you don't, just try to hide is as best you can!