Too Young For Coffee

So I'm in Starbucks last night, trying to wake up for my evening of quality television (Desperate Housewives not withstanding), and I see these three high school kids at a table. They've got to be all of about 14-years-old, and are sitting there unchaperoned, talking about who "hooked up" with whom with their big ol' cappucinos. And I'm appalled by this on many levels. I mean first of all, who the hell are you Miss Teen Barbie, with your blond highlights and UGG boots and you've barely hit puberty. You think I was getting professional salon services in the 9th grade? Hell no, I was at the Cheap Charlies for the $7 haircut.

Worse still is that fact that these children can't even drive, yet their recounting tales of their sexual exploits like seasoned veterans. It was like "Sex And the City...the early years." Where are your parents? Don't you at least have a nanny to follow you around?

But sex and fashion aside, the most disturbing part of the entire situation is that 14-year-olds don't drink coffee!! Nor do they sit in coffee shops, discussing life over $7 espressos! I think I entered a coffee shop once in my high school career, and that was just to use the restroom. So last night all I could think was, "This completely unrealistic, highly pretentious moment brought to you by The O.C." I mean, give me a break, kids don't drink coffee, they drink Coke. No one stumbles goggily into the kitchen seeking salvation in a coffee pot until at least their first week of college finals. It's just not natural. And somehow shows like The O.C. have convinced America's youth that the most important part of every day is sitting on couches in your school's cafe making witty yet insightful remarks about the state of the world. I find it incredibly hard to believe that high school freshman make more than one mildly interesting statement per year, without a team of 30-year-old writers behind them.

Alas, this is the state of our world today. Who needs to go to the movies, when you can create your own teen drama at your local Starkbucks! What ever happened to the good old life lessons of Saved By The Bell?