Whew!

Praise the Lord friends, I am back in the land of the free and the home of the biscuit!! I mean to tell you, I don't need to see another soft-boiled egg again in my life. Who the hell thought that up? Trying to pick the shell out of a yolk running all over your plate? Can't they just fry the eggs up with cheese and bacon like God intended?

So I survived on chocolate shortbread cookies and bloody marys (though without horseradish, much to my dismay), which I can't really complain about seeing as cookies and cocktails have always been my idea of a well-balanced meal.

I can, however, complain about the television. So of course it rained, isn't it permanently overcast over there, and I was confined to my hotel room for a large part of Saturday. I mean to tell you there were 7 channels for English-speakers...SEVEN...and I was in an "executive suite" (for whatever the hell that was worth). You think there's nothing on Time Warner Cable, you should try BBC. In the 36 hours I was there, I probably saw one program made in this decade. Seriously, the only America show featured James Garner as a brown-haired detective, so it had to have been made in the 1970's, right? Then of course there was the British programming, which consisted of new crime dramas with all the film quality of 1980's In The Heat Of The Night, and variety shows where celebrities lip-synch songs dressed like other celebrities for no apparent reason.

Sunday morning I did find a nice British soap opera which was rather addictive, but even without the talent barrier, they still can't seem to cast any attractive folks. I mean to tell you, the entire British broadcast system needs a makeover, from the actors to the sets to the storylines.

Americans may be mindless, glutinous philistines, but man do we know how to make a movie and look good doing it!