Um, excuse me....

Can I speak to someone in charge please? Can whoever has there finger on the HEAT button please take it off!?! Look here, I am from the South and in the South we are used to sweltering summers and 100% humidity, but we are almost always sitting on a beach or in an AIR CONDITIONED automobile! It is considerably easier to combat hair frizz and mascara runs sitting in your Honda than when descending stairs into an underground sauna amid throngs of people covered in sweat and polyester. No wonder New York stinks in the summer.

You can't walk two block in this God-forsaken city without ruining every ounce of attention you paid your wardrobe that morning. In fact, everybody just wear cotton cause at least you can wash the sweat off easily. And ladies, y'all can just put your straightening irons down for the next few months. There ain't nothing can be done about your Afro until fall. I suggest everyone invest in some rubber bands, and I hereby deem ponytails the look of the season.

With all the modern technology in this city, why we can't get any freaking circulation is beyond me. Give me the mayor's number. I'm gonna call the mayor, the governor, Tyrone if I have to, but somebody's got to turn this heat off!! Queenan when she's hot is even worse than Queenan when she's hungry, and if you don't know what that's like just ask the last person who tried to finish up the office cookies if their hand has quite healed. Oh no, it is not a pretty sight here in ol' Manhattan. Praise the Lord I am alone in my office today cause y'all know I am wearing the least amount clothing I can legally get away with, and that's not meant to be a turn on. One look at the state of my disarray and you'd be runnin' for the hills. Thank God for the Internet, cause if I had to get myself together and face folks in this heat, I'd be out on my ass in minutes (thank God it'd be a comfortable landing;-)