Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Icy Hot Pain

Oh my dear lord, I have gone and tried to kill myself. Well, alright, not on purpose, but I have seriously impaired my ability to move! So you know that though I would much prefer to lie prone on my couch, sipping mimosas, and watching Bridezillas on the WE channel (you really have to check this show out, the women are appalling...it's FABULOUS!), the ever-increasing size of my ass often compels me to the gym.

Now don't get all upset like I've joined the weight loss bandwagon, cause, to be sure, I don't seek to drop a pants' size so much as to not outgrow the one's I'm in! Typically I just hop on the ol' treadmill long enough to catch up on the goings-on of my favorite General Hospital characters, but for some reason I was recently possessed to venture into the free-weight area...and that was the beginning of the end for ol' Queenie.

Somehow, in my endorphin-haze, I thought it would be a good idea to do a few squats while holding 10-lbs weights in each hand of course. And of course, I couldn't just do 1 set, oh no, I had to do a full 3 sets before moving on to torture my upper-body with the chest press.

So I left the gym feeling sweaty and firm, went about the rest of my day thinking I was a champion of fitness, went to bed last night quite relaxed, and when I awoke this morning... I COULD NOT MOVE MY LEGS!!!

The burning in my thighs is a pain I haven't felt since...well, since the last time I ventured into the free-weight area and clearly have not returned for long enough to forget how incredibly stupid that is! I'm hobbling around here like an 80-year-old women, and apparently smell like one too. This IcyHot crap I've smeared on my legs has filled the entire office with a peppermint aroma reminiscent of grandma's arthritis medicine and strong enough to make your eyes water. Of course this is a delightful change from the regular odor of hamburger grease that wafts into the office from the T.G.I. Friday's below.

Needless to say, I am nearly incapacitated at my desk, crying out at random when I have to stand, sit, bend or walk. You'll have to excuse me now, I must go brace myself on the walls of the stall so I can lower onto the toilet.

9 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My darling-Only 10lbs., Only 3 sets? You ARE out of shape. You should come with me to the senior center and work out with me and "my Boys"-then you would have been able to do that. sounds like you didn't stretch well. Call mummy for advice.

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