When Vertical Stripes Aren't Enough

Everyone knows as a general rule, vertical stripes are slenderizing, hence the omnipresence of them in my closet. And while always preferable to horizontal stripes, there are times when vertical stripes simply aren't enough.

Case in point, the woman beside me on the subway wearing a brown pant's suit with thin red pinstripes. Now in this case there is the added horror of a brown and red striped suit, but even if you overlook the overall ugliness, this still wasn't gonna work.

Stripes may slenderize, but not when they are stretched across your backside such that your rolls appear through the fabric! I'm tellin' you, the seams on this woman's jacket were hanging on for dear life. As my Daddy would say, she looked like 100 pounds of potatoes in a fifty pound sack.

And sometimes I look at folks who have stuffed themselves into clothes and think that perhaps they've lost a bunch of weight and are just proud to get back into this outfit. And while I do applaud anyone who does lose weight and get themselves on a healthy eating plan, I do have to go back to...just because it buttons don't mean it fits. Or, don't confuse zippin' with fittin'. Or...well I could go on all day, y'all know how I love the catch phrase.

The point is, most of the laws governing fashion fluctuate, often in conjunction with the size of one's ass, so don't rely on a stripe to take off those last 10lbs. Either put down the cookie or buy a bigger suit- the choice is yours.