The Way I Are

A week or so ago, the #3 song in the nation was by some dude named Timbaland (whatever the hell that's supposed to mean) entitled "The Way I Are,"....uh, grammar anyone? I don't know what is happening to education in this country, but clearly this child got left behind!

So aside from the gross grammatical errors, there is a larger issue at hand with the lyrics of this song...namely that they promote a ridiculously unrealistic approach to dating.

The guy says: I ain’t got no money
I ain’t got no car to take you on a date
I can’t even buy you flowers
But together we be the perfect soulmates
Talk to me girl

Okay, so I'm not sayin' you got to be a millionaire to ask someone out, but come on! You don't lead with the fact that you're broke! Now because there are women out there who might even date you if they had to pick up the tab (I don't know any, but I imagine there's someone for everyone)I don't think that saying you don't have money makes you undateable, but the "ain't got no," part just might do it.

And what kind of soulmate are you gonna be, can't even buy somebody a flower? Not Queenie's soul, that's for damn sure.

Now for the really ridiculous part, the girl's response...
"I don’t need the G’s or the car keys
Boy I like you just the way you are"

Puh-leeez. This is nice in theory, but here in the real world, if you can't pick my ass up and buy it dinner, we have nothing to discuss.

The rest of the song just spirals down from there, something about strippin for tips, which I suppose is how this dude intends to fund their outings.

How you gonna tell an entire generation of already underachieving high schoolers that it is reasonable to expect that they can use their illiteracy and unemployment to pick up girls? THIS IS NOT OK!!

And whoever this girl is in the song is seriously suggesting that women should be happy with a guy that pimps them out and makes them pay for the cab home!

Yet here I sit, speaking the gospel, raising up the self-esteem of women everywhere, and I don't have a single tune on the radio!

This is all that's wrong with America folks, all that's wrong, right here in one poorly written song.