FOUND

FOUND: 5lbs.

5 uncomfortable pounds found in a pair of jeans earlier this week. As they hadn't been worn in a while, exact timing of first sighting hard to determine but the location was near a wine glass.

Jiggly and bulging with dimples in both cheeks.

Appears to answer to "nachos" and "pasta."

Would LOVE to return to rightful owner.

If yours, please call 555-CHUBS

Dear god, I have picked up some extra lbs and I can't seem to put them down!! It's most disheartening because I can't figure out what I've done differently to incur them. This morning I put on a pair of jeans I've had for quite a while and they were unusually tight. I blame the closet, things you haven't worn in a while are always shrinking on their hangers!

Now granted, when I bought these jeans I didn't drink wine every night, and I did walk to work rather than take the subway. Oh, and I couldn't afford take-out for dinner and consumed more rice cakes than anyone ever needs to, but that hardly seems fair. You go and have a good time in life and weight jumps on you like a bum on a bologna sandwich!

And here I go to the gym just as much as I used to, of course I might not workout quite as hard now that I can watch General Hospital on the treadmill (if you jog the picture moves too much!)

Whatever, these pounds just showed up in my backyard and now I have to take care of them? This is crap. People need to take better care of their extra weight and not let it wander off through the neighborhood!

If you'll excuse me, I have to go scour the Internet for miracle diets.