Poor Kid

Sometimes I have so many things to say I just don't even know where to begin!!! So I'm gonna try and focus on the most pressing issue of today....the birth of TomKitten. You know I hate Tom Cruise with a burning passion (I can't even watch Top Gun anymore without remembering what a psychotic lunatic he's become), so I don't really wish him well. I do, of course wish good things for his child, not that I believe it's his BIOLOGICAL child, because I think he's an impotent asshole, but all the same I could never wish ill on a newborn.

Now I can't wait to get the details on the birth. I mean, seriously, if a woman can actually pull off being silent while squeezing a watermelon through her thighs, well then she's a better woman than I. You know I haven't even had a baby, but am anticipating much screaming and thrashing about when I do.

And what the hell is this name Suri? And the "spokesperson" saying it means "princess" in Hebrew. Ummm....so all this Scientology crap has been for nothing, and now you're a Jew? Why not name her from their own "religion," maybe something like Alien.

At least now the tabloids can stop covering their issues with pictures of fat Katie, my god, full-term pregnancy is not the time to be photographed!

Well good luck little Suri, your future has all the makings of a t.v. movie complete with brainwashing, running away, teen pregnancy, disownment and divorce. Just make sure to take good notes, it'll help your therapist;-)