Confessions

Oooh child, last night I went to the Madonna Confessions concert at Madison Square Garden and let me tell you it was FABULOUS!! I mean first of all, you never see so many drag queens that far uptown these days. When the camera panned the audience it was hard to tell if the real Madge was on the stage or standing in the front row. Madonna has a quite a collection of folks following her career, from the gays (obviously), to the Jersey hi-haired trash, to the six-year-old sitting in front of me. Now really, how you gonna bring your child to see a woman writhe about the stage and flip off the audience, and then let her fall asleep in her $100 seat! Now that's some good parenting. One thing though, if you were already pushing 40 when you saw the Lucky Star tour, you might start thinking about sending your kids to the concert instead.

Anyway, it was a spectacle as always, only you know now Madge is all socially conscious so we have the big screen showing the starving folks in Africa. I tell you though, by the end of the song I was ready to run right out and adopt me an orphan. And I thought the cross my mother carries around was big, but it's nothing compared to the one Madonna rode onto the stage, and wearing a crown of thorns no less. And before you get all right-wing on me, she wasn't singing "Like a Prayer," and no crosses were burned on stage. In fact, I wasn't real sure why the cross was necessary, but you gotta figure at this point they just sit around at the start of every tour going, "okay, now gotta use the cross so what song says persecution this year?" You gotta hand it to this woman, she has reincarnated herself so many times at this point it's a wonder she recognizes her own reflection. I mean we went from punk rocker, to domenatrix, to cowgirl, to children's book writer, to Disco dive, to S&M equestrian and somewhere in the she was like a virgin (though very briefly I would think).

And now of course she's found religion or the Kabalah or whatever it is, but let me tell you if she's what clean Kabalah living looks like, then tie a red string on wrist cause MY GIRL LOOKS GOOD! That bitch is 48-years-old and she walked out on that stage in nothing but a leotard and tights and not a damn thing jiggled...that wasn't supposed to anyway. She has got me by nearly 20 years and she lifted her leg up over her head like she was just raising her hand. And by the way, her leg is about the size of my upper arm, but with muscle tone of course.

You know the best part of the whole thing was the end. She said she was done and she was done. She may be the only act in the world that can sell out Madison Square Garden where cheapest seat is $100 and not even give an encore. Uh uh, she got to be downstairs getting her oxygen facial so y'all just get on home. My one major disappointment is that she did not sing the song I was banned from as a child because "it was not a good lesson," thank you mother but I learned it just fine...."cause everybody's li-ving in a material world and I am a Material Girl!"