Commuter Etiquette

The is a message to Subway riders everywhere. No wait, so as not to exclude suburbanites in this tirade, this is really good insight for anyone who uses any type of public transportation, visits amusement parks, or even leaves their home from time to time.

Public transportation is not just for your personal use. One might think this an obvious statement, but then, one might not have suffered through a slow, suffocating ride beside a woman who has confused a train car with her living room. This is not about you getting to stand where you want, how you want, with as much space as you want. It is about getting as many folks to work as quickly as possible. If you need your own space, you need to get in your own personal car and drive your happy ass down the highway. Oh, you don't have a car? Well that's because you can't afford it after spending all your money on the obnoxiously large (and hideously ugly) Louis Vuitton bag that is taking up the entire seat next to you, so I can't sit down.

Also, and this even more generalizable, if you see folks standing in a line, chances are you will have to WAIT!! Big surprise, you are not the only person who has to be at work at 9 o'clock. If we are all waiting our turn, you can wait too. The fact that you have a presentation this morning and overslept is not my problem. I saw the most fabulous sign yesterday, and though I'd like to take credit for it, my fashion consultant will call me out, so I might as well admit it now. Anyway it read:

Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.

Now those are words to live by.

Y'all need to get yourselves together and get your asses out the door earlier or something, cause this shoving folks around in your frenzy to catch the next train is just too much. You can't possibly want to get to work that bad, and if you do I need your job!

Finally, when it comes time to exit the train or bus, know that other folks are getting off too, again your travel route is not singular. If you WAIT a second for the people in front of your to get off, you won't have to charge through the masses knocking folks over with your ugly-ass handbag. Basically, no matter what your momma told you, when it comes to commuting you are not special. You will get there the same time as everybody else and if you don't like it then move, quit, or invest in an automobile.