Hit List

Hmmm, so either my readers are such lovely folks that they bear no ill will, or they are just too damn lazy to email a response! Now don't get all morally hoity-toity, I don't mean we're actually gonna go impale they eyeballs on toothpicks or anything. I'm just tryin to help you fulfill your real celebrity fantansies!

okay, I'll go first...Queenan's Celebrity Hit List

1) Tom Cruise - for all the aforementioned reasons, including but not limited to: being a Scientology freak, not believing in the power of prescription medication, being a closeted homosexual who buys off young actresses to try and prove his straightness, jumping on couches like a total fool, and mostly for doing all of this because he has made a go-gillion dollars playing the same cocky hot-shot-with-a-chip-on-his-shoulder to an overall mediocre level for the past 20 years.

2) Angelina Jolie - and I'm not even gonna go there about the stealing of husbands cause that don't make no nevermind in Hollywood. I would however like to stab her in the eye for forgetting that she is a relatively insane, basically ok actress, not a US ambassador or foreign head of state. I would also like to remind her that African nations are in no way superior to America for childbirth and that she is, in fact, an American who has made her fortune making movies for Americans so a little allegiance would be nice.

3) Mariah Carey - congrats on dropping a few pounds but that's no reason to bare your midriff at all times. You are too old for the crop-top...for the love of God, PUT ON A JACKET!

4) Lindsay Lohan - you are not funny, you are not sexy, you sucked on SNL and you need to either get into rehab or simply go away because if I see one more picture of you coked out in stiletto heels and a see-through top, I will stab myself in the eye.

5) Jessica Simpson/Kristin Cavallari - both of you, either of you, whatever. One dumb blond bitch is enough don't you think? Stop with the "feuding" and the posing. Kristin, your 15 minutes were up an hour and a half ago, and Jessica, well you better get in that recording studio if you're gonna keep yourself in Louis Vuitton, cause playing the selfish ditsy newlywed doesn't really fly after you get rid of your husband.


See, that wasn't so hard was it? The list is subject to change as new gossip emerges and I tire of hating these folks. but, as always, feel free to jump in at any time!