Dating Don't or just Don't Date

So now y'all know I haven't been out on a date with anyone other than my Sweetpotato in quite a while, so I sometimes just don't believe my girlfriends when they're constantly complaining about the state of the dating world and the men in it. But then I witness scenes like last night and I just feel so bad for my girls.

I was having a luuurrvly sushi dinner with my very good friend Fashion Slave, and directly across from us was a table of two of them most unfortunate-looking folks I have seen in Manhattan, who aren't asking for your spare change. Now the guy is wearing, I kid you not, a red Hawaiian print shirt, khaki cargo pants, and those atrocious rubber sandal-things with the strap around the back. For the record, I do not believe in the Mandal. Boys should wear flip-flops or full shoes, end of story. Besides, this is the Upper West Side not Key West. Okay, so he's sitting there with his hairy neck and shabby haircut pretending he was never the president of the computer club (which you know he was), and he's talking incessantly about fun subjects like... Evolution. I actually heard him use the term self-actualized. Wow, he's a good time.

And the girl, God bless her, looked bored to death, but then, she was wearing those back-strap sandally things too, so how many other options could she really have had? Now you know I hate to be ugly because I know the shape of your nose is something beyond your control early on in life, but come on now honey you are a grown woman living in one of the most visually obsessed cities in the world, you have to know a good plastic surgeon. I know it's expensive and all, but we're talking about your FACE here. Trust me it is money well spent.

All that to say, I wanted to hang myself by the end of their dinner, so I can just imagine how she felt. Also I don't think they were drinking, which could have only made the experience all the more painful. Hell, I had to order another drink just to survive the parts I was overhearing!

This just goes to show, you can never go out on a date with anyone who was a member of the math, science, or A/V clubs. I know this doesn't seem to bode well for you ladies but not to worry, to be sure there are plenty of former athletes and frat boys waiting to crush a beer can on their head for you. Ah, the good old days, nothing says love like a keg stand in your honor.