Too Darn Hot

It is hotter than two rats making love in a wool sock in a haystack in the middle of July! (Little Southernism for ya)I mean to tell you, I know why people go crazy in the summer...it is so F*%@ HOT!!!! No wonder folks are always shooting each other, by the time I emerge from the subway I want to stab so many people in the eye I can barely keep track. I mostly want to stab the weather people on TV. Every time you turn the damn thing on, one of em's on there talking about "It's gonna be a hot one!" No shit. It's August for Christ's sake, of course it's gonna be hot. And then they put up those ridiculous cartoon forecasts that say things like, Monday - Extremely Hot; Tuesday - Hotter; Wednesday - Hottest Day Yet!
Like it's something exciting to report miserable conditions. Of course it probably is exciting for them, I mean this is the one time of the year when they have a 99% chance of actually getting the forecast right, and then if they don't, if for some reason it's cooler than expected, people are thrilled!!

I tell you what, heat makes people get just mean. For me, being hot is like being hungry, you'd better just stay out of my way or risk getting your arm gnawed on. Poor Sweetpotato hides when I come through the door. After trekking around Manhattan underground for half the day, I am about ready to kill anyone who has constant access to air conditioning, and he fits the bill! Like I said, folks just go crazy in the summer and I can't blame them. I saw a man last week walking right down 42nd street in the heart of New York City, he had removed his shirt and pants and was just strutting down the street with his full genitalia out for all to see. And I thought, he was just done fed up, he had had enough by God and he just couldn't be bothered anymore. I know how you feel buddy, and though I am fully clothed at this moment, I know how you feel.